A long, long time ago, the surface of the Earth was one big chunk of dirt surrounded by water. Terra firma consisted of a single giant land mass, more or less. Because of the convection currents present in the liquid inner sections of our planet, the outer shell—the crust—is in constant motion. It’s hard to imagine, but slowly, over the eons, that land mass shifted and big chunks of it moved apart and spread out over the globe.

What we recognize today as the continents of North America, Africa, Australia, South America, etc., took their present positions on the face of the Earth and life was good. Then we came along and apparently changed everything.

There’s solid evidence today that Winnipeg is at least 60 miles closer to Vancouver than we previously thought. Toronto is nearly 22 miles closer to Montreal, and Halifax is nearly 80 miles closer to New York City.

San Diego has apparently shifted north, some 88 miles closer to Vancouver, and Laredo, Tex., and Winnipeg, Man., are now closer by 72 miles. I can understand the mileage between San Diego and Vancouver tightening up: that’s just a hedge against the inevitable vacancy caused when Gay Bay disappears into the pacific. They’ll be able to build a nice straight bridge between San Mateo and Sausalito, without having to bypass all that high-priced real estate.

I mean, let’s be honest. By the time Microsoft upgrades Vista and all the mapping and routing software makers update their code, this theory isn’t beyond the realm of possibility.

 
Still, I’m at a loss to explain the other differences in established distances.

Clearly, movement on such a scale represents at least as great or greater a threat as the greenhouse gasses we’re trying so hard to eliminate. 
 

How do I know this, you ask?
 

I ran into an owner-operator pal at Truck World who told me his carrier had switched to a new pay and routing system that showed
most of the mileages he runs have shrunk by a significant margin. He and his fellow owner-ops were presented with the new routing system—the way of the future, he was told—by the president of the company. Straight faced, he told them this was how they’d be paid from here on in.

Further evidence for continental drift: Edison N.J. is now only 446 miles from Downsview, Ont. Tobyhanna and Lancaster, Pa., have moved similarly closer to Toronto as well.

In ancient times—geologically speaking, when I was trucking, it was 485 miles between Downsview and Edison. The driver who told me about this example of continental drift says he runs the trip in about 510miles. Silly driver, I told him. You’re taking the long way. Why run on the nice smooth New York Thruway when you can take US 63 and US 36 and deal with all the local cops, the
traffic lights, and the deer wandering out on the road?  
 

He said it was his preference to run the four-lane routes rather than the two lane because it was ultimately better on fuel than the stop and go of the two-lane route. That he would expect the company to pay him for his personal preferences was pure folly I reminded him. The carrier is in business to make money. “If you want to go sight seeing, you’ll have to do it on your dime,” I said.
 

Geez. Some people.
 

Still, I can’t account for the figure of 446 miles from Downsview to Edison. Have they built a tunnel under Lake Ontario? I know; it’s the Toronto-to-Rochester ferry. That would account for it. That must be the routing.
 

They should update their software, though. The ferry went out of business years ago. Maybe they’re running Vista, and can’t.
 

My first friend, a clever fellow, did a little math right there on the spot following the presidential proclamation, and determined that he stood to lose $7,000 this year based on the reshaping of the earth’s crust. The Big Guy told my pal it would cost him $10,000 to
change jobs, so he’d be money ahead to stay put.
 

All this would be laughable if it wasn’t true. Not long ago, the president of a large southern Ontario fleet told his owner-ops there would be cuts in the mileage because of a new routing program they had implemented. Is Winnipeg really any closer to Vancouver? Not the last time I checked.

I know some owner-ops aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer, but can you imagine a fleet president who thinks that little of his people that he’d try bamboozling them with a stunt like that?
 

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, there’s no shortage of drivers in Canada, just a shortage of men and women willing to be exploited by fleet owners like this one. I hope he knows some unemployed drivers in Unoccupied Mongolia. ?

A former owner-operator, Jim Park is the editor of highwaySTAR magazine.Reach him at 416/614-5811 or jim@todaystrucking.com.