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So this trucker walks into a bar…

In the February issue of Today’s Trucking, I mention that I have three go-to trucker jokes. They appear below. I also asked readers to send in their favorites.

The issue of the magazine was on the stands for just a few days and the suggestions started to arrive. Hope they continue. Please feel free to contribute.

P.S. Keep’em clean okay? And we’ll be the judges of what’s clean and what’s not.

Here’s my three great trucker jokes; followed by the first new arrivals:

1) Two guys in a truck approach an overpass. Sign says it’s too low for them to pass under. One guy says, “I don’t see any cops around, let’s go for it.”

2) Trucker driving a straight truck with a box on the back picks up a hitchhiker. Every few miles, the driver makes a fist and whacks the back of the cab as hard as he can. Hitchhiker asks why.

Driver: “I got 20,000 lbs of chickens. This is a 10,000-lb truck. Gotta keep half of them flyin’.”

3) A Gang of bikers in a truck stop are making fun of a trucker. They spill his coffee; steal his bacon. He leaves, peacefully.

Biker: “That trucker wasn’t much of a man. He let us walk all over him.”

Waiter, looking out the window: “He ain’t much of a driver neither. He just ran over a buncha motorcycles.”

And then these came in from Tim Sayeau who works in Yanke's Winnipeg office as a data entry clerk and self-described cat wrangler:

1) A trucker is walking along a beach and spots a bottle. He picks it up, and a genie appears. “You get one wish,” says the genie. “One? Not three?”

“New hours-of-service regulations. Now, about that wish..."

“Well, I’ve always thought it would be great to drive my truck to Australia by way of Hawaii. Can you do that?”

“Sure, but can you imagine the consequences? 12,000 miles across the Pacific? The interruptions to ocean currents, shipping lanes..."

“Okay, if you can’t do that, I’d like to understand women.”

“So, Australia you say, huh? How about an eight-lane all-weather blacktop with fuel station rest stops every 500 miles……”

2) A trucker walks into an electronics store and asks for the state-of-the-art communications gear. He is shown an old CB radio with three buttons. “You’re kidding,” he says.

“Nope” says the salesman. “Push the first button, you can talk to anybody up to a thousand miles away.”

The trucker tries it, and talks to someone 1,000 miles away. “Nice! What’s the second one do?”

“Let’s you talk to someone halfway across the world.” The trucker tries it, and talks to his buddy in Australia (the one who just drove there).

“Sweet! Me want!” The trucker buys it, installs it in his truck.

A little while later, he remembers the third button. “Hey, wonder what this one does?” He presses it and from the CB comes SMOKE! SPARKS! FLAME! STRAIGHT FROM THE CB!

“MY GOD!” screams the trucker.

From the CB, “Speakin, good buddy. What’s on your mind?”

3) Two truckers die and appear before St. Peter. “Guys, guys, guys, sorry, but we took you two weeks too soon. Sorry about that. Now, we can’t return you to your lives, but we can give you those two weeks on Earth as anything you like.”

First trucker: “I’ve always wanted to fly. Make me an eagle, soaring above the Grand Canyon.” St. Peter snaps his fingers, the trucker disappears.

Second trucker (grinning wickedly): “Make me a stud!” St. Peter, etc. etc.

Two weeks later, St. Peter asks an angel to go back and pick up the two truckers. “The first is an eagle above the Grand Canyon. The second is in a steel-belted radial on the 401.”

Email Editor

Peter: I heard this joke as it related to a specific company. I use Acme as a generic company. Yours Ross Tiegs. A group of drivers were enjoying a coffee together when one said he knew a joke about Acme trucking. One of the group said hey be careful I drive for Acme. The joketeller said okay here it comes real slow.